So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
