he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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