it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
