Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
