I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
