Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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