you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
