the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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