He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
