I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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