she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
