Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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