I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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