So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
