A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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