She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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