planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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