He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
