i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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