shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
