there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
