summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
