We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
