youre lurking in front of me
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
