sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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