why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize