we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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