its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
