Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
