what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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