The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
