He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
So apparently I’m into choking now
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
