I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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