At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
