im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
