never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
