The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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