You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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