I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Also, beer. Big fan.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
