i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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