Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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