It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
