we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
