why didn't you poke me back
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
