The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
