you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
