life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
