well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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