bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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