I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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