I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize
