Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
