I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize