I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
