Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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