The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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