it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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