hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
