so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
