just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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