What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
