True but thats because hes a fetus.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
