sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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