too bad you live with your parents still
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
