Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
