Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
