What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
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