Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Dick very happy bro
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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