just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Who died my cat blue again?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
