i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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