i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
