Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
