FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
