you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
