I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize