oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
