I accidentally burped into my bong.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize