This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i drank out of a bidet.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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