Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
