O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize