wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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