There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
