I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
