I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My first STD was from a foam party
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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