Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
