dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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