question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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