The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
