My balls are so social today.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
