the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
