so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
