why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
