I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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