My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
