he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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